Personally, I would rather go to a Catholic wedding with a full mass, return home and paint my house while listening to a Books on Tape version of the Yellow Pages read by Andy Rooney, sit and watch every inch of my house dry, then follow that up by looking through old tax returns. That would still be less boring than soccer.

Soccer is boring!

For the very best reason of all: It’s the most boring game imaginable. They run up the field. Then they run down the field. For an hour. And if somehow someone manages to score, a 1-0 game is considered the height of excitement. Bah.

Soccer is boring!

Very simple: There are not enough scoring opportunities. Scoring itself is not important, but opportunities are. Soccer is played too much in the middle, not end-to-end play. It would be as if 95 percent of a football game happened between the 30 yard lines. Boring! Get rid of the offsides rules and let them fire away!